It's Not About the Orgasm

Tue, 04/25/2017 - 15:07
Submitted by Carlin Ross

Betty and I used to see each other three times a week and every Friday, rain or shine, we did a video and posted it to youtube. When I had Grayson, I took 3 months off. Thereafter, we got together at least once a week to do our video. Now that we're in the "Terrible Twos" and Betty's apartment is anything but baby proofed we haven't been coming in at all.

It's a stage, and will be over before I know it, but I miss Betty and want to get back to our Friday video schedule. The emails/comments begging us to do more clips sting when I read them. Suffice it to say, I was really looking forward to this past weekend's workshop - spending time with Betty and 6 other women from Canada, Beijing, the UK, Texas and right here in New York.

Our new ritual is that I pick up breakfast and we talk for an hour before I set up the room. Betty and I caught up and mapped out the schedule for our upcoming Bodysex retreat this July. When we connect, the work just flows and it feels good. Our partnership is the perfect coupling without the romantic dishonesty and heterosexual conflict. We have our moments. We tell each other to fuck off but, in the end, our commitment to liberating female sexuality and improving the lives of humankind keeps us on the path. We never miss a step together.

There were several young women in the circle - two of chinese descent that went to the top schools in the UK - a young woman heading off to grad school in nyc - a Texan rancher (who stole my heart) - and one of our favorite Bodysex groupees who has done 4 workshops to date. You wouldn't think that these women would have anything in common but they connected almost instantly. Each workshop has its own energy. This group was so peaceful and sisterly. If I had to pick a word, it would be "divine". There was a holy, and sacred quality to the group.

Genital Show & Tell is always profound. Since we had a smaller group, we could take our time. I love watching Betty in her element. We had a pillow pussy, a black orchid - some of our favorite vulva styles. We've always wanted to do a book that included women's headshots and their vulva portraits and the reader had to put the two together. You'd never be able to guess what vulva style a woman has based on her photo. The complexity and diversity of the female sex organ never ceases to amaze me.

I noticed at one point that Betty was fading and needed something to eat. We book the workshops season by season because I don't want her to feel pressured to continue if she's not up to it. There aren't many 88 year olds who can sit on the floor for hours, naked, and hold the space. Bodysex is exhausting in the most beautiful way possible. When I left after Day 1, I had a slight reservation about Betty's energy level for Day 2.

As I walked into Betty's back room, egg sandwich in hand, I noticed that she was smiling. She looked refreshed and renewed. I've been feeling guilty about not being present more in Betty's life. Knowing that we have two more workshops this Spring and the July retreat, puts me at ease. Bodysex is the elixir and we'll do workshops for as long as Betty wants to and I'm here to assist.

At the onset of erotic recess, there wasn't the same sort of energy that can be in the circle. The room was peaceful, quiet, subdued. Maybe the calmness lit our orgasm fuse but, all I can say, is that Betty and me orgasmed our faces off. Usually, I orgasm first because I've demonstrated Betty's Rock 'n Roll orgasm so I've primed the pump. This time Betty beat me. I heard a moan and then a "yeah", looked over and saw Betty riding an orgasm wave that quickly swept me up. There are plenty of ways to build a bond between business parters - hiking, white water rafting - but orgasm together and you know where you stand.

We just kept coming and coming. Several of the women also orgasmed but very quietly. We drowned out the room. At one point, I felt sweat dripping down my lower legs - not a few drops either. My legs were drenched.

We took a break after the pillow fuck and Betty and me found ourselves in the kitchen alone. I whispered in her ear, "do you think we bombed? I know some of the women didn't orgasm." She didn't know but agreed that this group was low energy. The perfectionist in me wants every woman in every workshop to orgasm. It's hard not to feel like you've fucked up and been a bit selfish when you've had enough orgasms to sink a ship and, the person who flew 12 hours to be there, didn't have one.

I set up for group massage and we separated into two groups. One by one each woman laid down while the others massaged her body at the same time (each side for 5 minutes). This is when the workshop took off. There were remarks like "I love this" and "this feels so good". There is something so powerful in nonsexual touch - touch with no agenda. We are there to honor their body, their journey. Our bodies tell a story that mostly goes unheard. In these moments, we are truly seen.

After everyone left, Betty and I discussed the group over a pink lady. It was so simple: it's not about the orgasm. Bodysex is about sisterhood, connection, intimacy which leads to self knowledge.  I think we've focused more on orgasm because so few women ever experience pleasure which makes them feel broken. We aren't given any information about how to stimulate our bodies - only misinformation about who or what we're supposed to be for someone else, for the culture. The virginity myth and the slut stigma are a grave injustice.

But the ultimate injustice is denying womankind sisterhood. We need each other to survive, to grow, and to raise the next generation. I'm so thankful to live in my 700 square foot apartment 20 minutes from Betty Dodson's door and the ever expanding world of Bodysex.

Thank you
little clitty

Editor in Chief & Keeper of All Things Betty Dodson

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I love reading your stories

Tue, 04/25/2017 - 18:26
jayBel (not verified)

I love reading your stories and musings as life evolves and changes for the both of you. I so hope to make it to a workshop in the near future! xxxx

You guys are such an inspiration...

Tue, 05/16/2017 - 01:54
NaoLou (not verified)

I really enjoy reading your experience in the bodysex shop.  It's amazing to see a group of women truly express themselves in such a glorious way.  [= 12.8px]You both are such a wonderful inspiration, I get so excited with the idea of being part of a group that is so willing and open to share the most valuable aspect of living, creating and being. [/][= 12.8px]I can only hope to venture into something like this one day. [/]