From Trauma to Orgasms

Sun, 12/31/2017 - 16:47
Submitted by Carlin Ross

Every Woman on the Planet Has Been Sexually Traumatized.

At best, we've been objectified, demeaned, shamed, guilted, and manipulated into believing that we don't deserve pleasure on our own terms. At worst, we've been groped, assaulted, raped and blamed for male lust. Betty and I have traveled the globe and there isn't a society or culture where women have true sexual equality. The clitoris is ignored. The female model of sexual response isn't even part of the discussion. Procreate sex reigns supreme. Female chastity and male dominance are the norm and, sadly, the rape culture persists.

Taking Your Power Back One Moment At a Time

Mon, 06/13/2016 - 07:38
Submitted by Lisa Kan

I sat in the courtroom with my heart pounding. I had been fidgeting for hours. When my name was called I felt like I might vomit, or pass out, or both.

It started out as a day of jury duty. No big deal. I sat down in the jury room and saw that I had been quoted in Cosmopolitan online. I was flying as I reposted the article with all the excitement of a week starting out perfectly right.

They called my name to go to department 10 on the 7th floor. I’ve gone through the process of jury selection before. It’s long and tedious so I smuggled in a book for the really slow parts. I was only half paying attention until they read the charges.

The people of the state of California vs. X person, charged with lewd acts upon a child.

Oh. Fuck.

Should I Tell New Lover I Was Raped?

Tue, 09/08/2015 - 07:47
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I was raped when I was 16. I never told anyone except my best friend and therapist. It was a very traumatic time and I was in a depressed state for most of my teen years. I had a boyfriend for a year but never had sex with him because I was too scared.

I'm 22 now and I'm in such a better place. Attending therapy helped a lot. I havent had sex since (I've had oral sex) and now I have the chance to hook up with a friend of mine (we both made clear its just sex) and now I'm not sure if I should tell him what happened? My concerns are that it will hurt since it's technically my 'first" time and that I wont know what to do. So my question is should I tell him? Do you think it will hurt a lot?

Thanks again.


Dear J,

I Believed the Man Who Raped Me had Permanently Damaged Me

Tue, 09/01/2015 - 09:16
Submitted by Carlin Ross

One of the things that I'm most proud of is that the work we're doing is evergreen. When Betty pens a new essay or we produce a new video, I imagine people viewing it a century from now. 

This comment came in over the weekend on a post Betty had written about a private session she had with a woman who'd survived FGM (female genital mutilation). 6 years later and it's still relevant. Whether we've experienced a physical or psychological cutting from trauma the result is the same - shame:

12 Hours of Self Defense Training - Chances of Rape Drop by 50%

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 07:44
Submitted by Carlin Ross

Research has found that if a woman takes a 12 hour self defense class her chances of being raped or even attempted rape drops by 50%. When a woman knows how to throw a punch and kick, she doesn't mess around.

I've always thought that our culture's obsession with raising our daughters to be princesses who've never thrown a punch perpetuates the rape culture. It's not bad enough that every video game/movie/tv show story line features some sort of violence against women but the women rarely fight back. We want our girls to be soft and pretty so we don't school them on how to defend themselves.

Went to Therapy & My Body Shut Down

Wed, 02/18/2015 - 08:46
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I was repeatedly raped when I was nine years old over the period of several months. During this time, due to the immense trauma and pain, I learned to shut down completely and "go away" when it was happening. Now I'm 24 and I can't feel anything during sex. I can't even masturbate. It hasn't always been this way, when I was a teenager I masturbated frequently and was very good at giving myself pleasure. But at that time my trauma was not dealt with and I had pushed it to the very back of my mind.

My Sexuality is Coming Back to Life Post-Rape But Can't Get Hot Enough to Orgasm

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 08:28
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hello Dr Betty!

My name is L, I'm a 21 year old female. In my early teens I was raped, which led me to being pretty much abstinent until recently. Lately I feel like my sexuality is coming back to life. I'm very comfortable with these feeling and there is a sense of healing and self power that just feels great! I'm not ready for intimate relationships quite yet, mainly I'm focused on masturbation of sorts.

I've been struggling a bit and i would love to get some advice.

I can't seem to get myself 'hot' enough, i get in the mood but shortly after i lose interest and 'go dry'. I could rarely keep my sexual desire in a intense mode long enough to actually feel any pleasure. I've been trying to keep my focus on the sexual pleasure but i can't seem to engage in fantasy.

It Sends a Powerful Message That Women are Valued

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 12:39
Submitted by Carlin Ross

I can't believe that it's been 20 years since the Bosnian war. If you've never seen Angelina Jolie's directorial debut film In the Land of Blood and Honey, find it on Netflix. Rape was a major weapon of war in this conflict, from sex trafficking to brutality on a mass level.

The UN has finally categorized rape as a war crime. And Angelina Jolie is trying to gain support for creating an international organization to collect evidence, prosecute perpetrators, and secure convictions.  

If we have the apparatus in place to prosecute rape as a war crime and secure convictions, it sends a powerful messsage that women are valued and that rape will not be tolerated.

This woman is amazing.

"She Never Let Me Feel Ashamed"

Tue, 01/07/2014 - 13:34
Submitted by Carlin Ross

When she was 18 years old - 7 weeks before she would be crowned Miss World - Linor Abargil was abducted, stabbed and raped in Milan.  She's a powerhouse touring the world speaking her truth and letting other rape victims know that they're not alone:

Every time I watch this video at 3:19 when Linor shares that there was one person who never let her feel ashamed of her rape - her mother - my eyes well up with tears.  That's how we dismantle the rape culture: standing side-by-side with our mothers, daughters, sisters and friends.  The shame is not borne by the woman, but by her aggressor. 

Because a Sex Worker Can be Raped

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 12:46
Submitted by Carlin Ross

Here are the women who made it possible for sex workers in California to receive compensation if they're raped or beaten from the state's victim compensation fund:

Maxine Doogan of the Erotic Service Providers Union, from left, Rachel West of the US PROStitutes Collective and Kimberly Horiuchi, spokesperson for the ACLU.

California created the nation's first victim compensation program back in 1965 using monies from fines and restitution paid by criminals and federal matching funds to pay victim's medical bills, therapy etc. They explicitly barred sex workers from receiving benefits for the last 50 years.

Their Language was Unequivocally on the Side of the Rapists

Mon, 03/18/2013 - 15:39
Submitted by atarasenko

I will admit that I haven’t been following the Stuebenville OH rape case very closely but when I caught up today, I was very disappointed (although definitely not shocked).

A 16 year old girl, passed out, intoxicated, was raped by 2 star high school football players. She has no recollection of what happened, but no matter because the boys documented the incident by taking pictures and videos and then posting them online.

But this is not what bothered me this morning (I was aware of the disgusting circumstances when the story was first broadcast last year). My annoyance came at the ridiculous news coverage by CNN the story got when the rapists were sentenced guilty.

How Do I Overwrite My Sex Negative Perspective?

Tue, 02/05/2013 - 16:26
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hello Betty,

I was raised in a very sex-negative, abusive environment, and was then raped repeatedly when I was 14 while in a domestically abusive relationship for about 5 months.

I feel that I have grown through a large portion of all of this, however I still can feel an overlaying disgust is the best word for it, that I feel about sex and sexual interaction. Needless to say, I hate it and my husband hates it too.

What would you suggest for a plan to overwrite the sex-negative perspective I have to form a new powerful sex-positive perspective?

Thank you!

Dear L,

Masturbation was My Salvation Since I was 39

Mon, 01/21/2013 - 08:44
Submitted by MotherWolf

“She is coming with me.” I said mustering every bit of courage I could. I had been walking home from school, a path I took every day, when I heard her screams and ran toward them.

The young man on top of her rolled off, stood up and stared at me in disbelief.

I reached out to her and grabbed her hand, saying softly, “You must stand up.” I had no idea who this girl was and no idea what I would do if she couldn’t walk. In that moment I was terrified. I knew if I couldn’t get us out of this we would both be hurt or even killed.

Why is it Always Rape?

Mon, 01/07/2013 - 10:07
Submitted by Carlin Ross

Why is it always rape? This is the question that rolls through my mind when I read about the Delhi gang rape tragedy and the ensuing debate on women's rights. The UN finally declared rape to be a war crime but what about women - medical students - riding the bus with their boyfriend in a major city?

A study across several cities in India found that a staggering 82 percent of Indian women say that they are reducing their working hours, leaving the office early because they don’t want to be traveling after dark, when the risk of assault could be higher. Some quit outright, afraid that commuting has become too dangerous.

Larry Flynt: $1M for Proof Pregnancy from Rape is "Something God Intended"

Fri, 11/02/2012 - 10:27
Submitted by Carlin Ross

This is the full page ad taken out by Larry Flynt in the Indianapolis Star addressed to Republican U.S. Senate candidate Richard Mourdock. Mourdock is famous for his "even-when-life-begins-with-rape-it's-something-God-intended" anti-abortion statement.

I f*ckign love Larry Flynt. It feels like he's the only crusader for women right now. He's offering $1M for:

"...any verifiable transcript of your personal conversations with God; letters, email, text messages or videos from God, or messages addressed to you from God transmitted by any third party, including the Republican National Committee or the Romney/Ryan campaign."

Brilliant. And here is Mourdock's exact words on video: